"Professor" Stanley Unwin

Stanley Unwin, the British comedian who died in January 2002, made a career out of talking gobbledygook. He would pretend to be a learned commentator on some newsworthy topic (hence the "professor" tag), and then produce a stream of gobbledygook containing large numbers of invented words.

In The Independent Magazine of Saturday February 2002, the chef, Simon Hopkinson, who is a fan of Unwin, paid homage ("homagelode") to him by giving some rice ("riceytipstuff") recipes in Unwinese. Here is his recipe for rice pudding:

Nursery rice pudding now, as trembled by nannyterror up the backstair. Primbutter and sugar all at once in a heavy, shallow dish upon the gentlyheat. Stirring about with spoonwood, squatter a split vanilla pod aomongst the crunchlode until smelling dandygood. Preheat the oven to 300ºF/150ºC/Gas mark 2.
Add milk and cream with much trimble and standback, because splitter and trush will happen when puring overlode. Spoonwood once more, making sure that crankles and ricebottom lift up into dairy rich and separate fully. Saltpinch from fingertip, stir again and sprangle with nutmeg, gratelywise fresh - as if bottlejar was ever optionwise! Tremblybake in the oven for 1½ hours until goldilocks on top. Remove and allow pantrychill for 30 minutes, until spooning and moussetexture. Well-chilled pouring cream is very nice poured over this. Deep joy and nannyapron.
Stanley Unwin, 1911-2002,
RIP (Rest in Plither)

You can view a web-page dedicated to "Professor" Unwin.


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